Psalm 139:16
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
They do not understand why one could just not ‘move on.’ Some might think these mothers are just being too hard on themselves; they should help themselves; they don’t have faith; they should not allow the bitterness to swallow them whole. One will really never understand what it’s like until they loose one of their own; because there is nothing like it. Nothing.
It’s unimaginable.
I remember my grandmother Mama Sita said when my Tita Malou died, “outliving your child is the worst thing that could happen to a mother.” At that moment, I thought I could feel her pain. And I prayed that that will never happen to me. I prayed that she will have the strength to endure it.
After almost 7 years, my time has come. It is indeed, my turn to feel the pain. Mine is most likely less painful; But the fact is the same: I too, loss a child. And it is not easy.
I want to be strong for the people around me. But how?
I am dying inside.
I barely have the strength to get a day by…
“Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. Away from me, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping. The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer.” Psalm 6:2-4,6-9
