A letter to Collin (as he turns one)

Dear Collin,

You might not believe it, or understand it just yet, but baby, you turned my life around.

The moment I knew that I was carrying you, the flowers bloomed, the birds chirped, the sky turned so blue. Oh everything just became much more beautiful. It was that news that made me happy again. You made me live again. No hatred. No bitterness. It was then that I can face the world with real smile plastered across my face.

You freed me from a bondage. You freed me from the monthly frustrations of getting negative pregnancy tests. You freed me from the pain of knowing I may never be a 'mother.' You freed me from the galloping sadness that swallows me whole when a pregnant woman passes by.

And would you believe, its been a year since I gave birth to you.

Yes my dear pork pie, you are one year old today.

Where has time gone by?

Didn't I just take you home from the hospital yesterday?

honey bunny, time flies really fast. But that's ok because every day I had since I have you has been a time well spent; Spent with lots of hugs and kisses. Off coo's and sighs and sometimes soprano like cries. It's been spent with me soothing you through the night, watching you sleep. It's been spent making funny faces that makes you laugh. It's been spent chasing you around while you crawl so fast like a rat. It's been spent tickling you. Dancing with you. And lots of peek a boos. It's been spent with just about every nursery rhymes out there. It's been all spent with so much love. Lots and lots of love.

I clearly remember the day we brought you home. Your dad was driving while you and I were at the back seat. As soon our car made a turn at the curb by our house, I started crying baby. I cried tears of joy like never before.

"I was pregnant when we left the house. And unlike my previous pregnancy, we are actually now back home with a baby on hand. I can't believe this is real." That was all I could say in between grasps of breath.

And that was the day that our house turned into a home.

Oh honey bunny, you refused to let mommy sleep when we got home. You scream like a giant bear the moment I move a foot away from you. You are most comfortable when you sleep on my chest; listening to my heartbeat perhaps telling you how much I love you.

After a couple of months you started sleeping through the night; 6-8 hrs straight. But then you started teething, all of a sudden, we were back to square one. You once again wanted to stay close. Lying on my chest. Listening to my heart as it tells you how much I love you.

At 4 months you started to sit unassisted. Your body wobbles from side to side as you try to keep your balance. And you started laughing too!! Oh you are the cutest!!! You made mommy smile ear to ear.

At 6 months you had your first bottom teeth. I was having such a lousy upsetting day. I was holding you and hugging you as I attempt to make myself feel better. And it was then that you grinned and showed me your bottom front tooth. And thats all you had to do baby. You turned my day around just like that.

At 8 months you surprised us when you started crawling all of a sudden. I thought you were satisfied with just scooting around. But it's like you changed your mind. Your dad and I were in awe as you made your way to me from him. Oh once again. You made our day!!

My dear Collin, I cant help but cry in the depths of unfathomable happiness and content. You just grew up way too fast. But yet again, that's ok, because every single day were time well spent.

I love you so much Collin. More than words can every say. And more than any action I can ever do. I love you above over and beyond anything in my life.

Love,
Mommy

Things I have to remind myself in planning Collins 1st bday

1. Calm down, it's just his first birthday, not his wedding.

2. You are not rich. You have a budget. CUT THE COSTS DOWN.

3. Repeat: CUT.THE.COSTS.DOWN.

4. You do not have to invite every homo sapiens you know. And no, you don't have to invite the barista who made your coffee. Nor the waitress who said your son is cute.

5. Again, this is just his birthday, not his wedding. So what the heck are you crying about??!!??!!

What it's like to be a mom

1. You will never be able to sleep again the moment you give birth to your firstborn. Sure the baby will eventually sleep through the night, but you, the mother, won't. Because you will be checking on your child every 3 hours and will spend at least 15 minutes starring at your sleeping child and other than those 3 hours interval, you will be checking on your child when you hear your neighbors dog barking, thr birds chirping, the ants playing, or when you hear the news that there's is an earthquake even of its in the other side of the planet, because you can't help but wonder, is your child safe? On quiet-no-dogs-barking-earthquake-news-free-nights, you will still be checking if your child is really safe because you would wonder, why is it too quiet?

2. You will never be alone again. Ever. By that I mean even while you pee, you will never be alone again. Because your child will never leave you alone and will scream bloody murder the moment you go to the bathroom with out him.

3. You will be happy everyday. Because no matter how stressful your day has been, no matter how many problems you have, no matter what kind of crisis you are going through, the moment you hear your child squeal in delight as you open the front door when you get home, all that will fade away. It's just you and your child, and wherever you are, for as long as you are together, you will be in the happiest place on earth. Your child has much more than what Disneyland can offer. Much much more.