Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Considering that they initially wanted me to have an HCG, I felt better that they are doing a Saline Ultrasound instead. As per the doctors, HCG gets an 8 while Saline U/S gets a 4 in a pain scale, with 10 as the worst pain. Better ayt??!

Within 17 hours of knowing about the Golf ball sized cyst in my ovary, we are again back at the clinic. My doctor explained the procedure and the reasons why i need to relax through out the whole procedure.

Doctor: "ok rei. i need you to relax ok? I will be inserting the catheter into your cervix and uterus"
rei: "Ok." **nods my head and inhales and exhales*
doctor: **inserts the catheter**

Crap! that was not a 4, that was an 11 in the pain scale!!! I wanted to scream "AGOYYYYYYYYY!!! KASAKIT!!! PISKOT KANG BUANGA KA!!!! TANG-TANGA NA!!! LAMI KAAU KA BADJAKAN!!!!^%$$&***$%^&$#<>)&$^!!!!!"

But even in great pain, i tried to keep my composture. Instead of screaming what's in my heart and mind, I said:

rei: "ahhh! ouchhh oucchhh oucchhh!! it hurts!!!"
Dr: "i need you to relax rei so we can finish the procedure"
rei: **thinks: 'SYADAP!!! PAGHILOM DIRA!'***
nurse: "rei, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale... you have to breath rei. you have to relax and breath"
rei: ***thinks 'isa ka pa!! anak ka ng hinayupak!!' and obeys the nurse as I breath like I was on labor!!

There was nothing that i can do but breath and try my best to relax. I looked at my husband, hoping i could gain some strenght. But as soon as my eyes met his, i could tell, his balls went straight up his crotch!!! Like as if he's the one in pain!! And no, he can't help me relax because he was even more panicky than I was.

Just when I thought I can't take it anymore, the pain was gone and the doctor said the procedure was over and confirmed that my uterus has no abnormalities!!!

What a relief.

Praise God!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Golf Ball in My Ovary

As I was looking at my partially healed surgical cuts on my lower abdomen, i just remembered how busy the past month has been; juggling my work and doctor appointmentseseses! Frustrating, exciting,and fun.

After I miscarried, my doctor put me back on the contraceptive pill and ordered a series of test for me and my husband.

The test was kindda unfair really. It favors my husband. All he needed was um, porn. Then, voila! He's done! The best part was, he passed it with flying colors. All the spermies are even better than normal! They're in good shape, swim fast and there are lotsa lotsa of them!!!

Then it was my turn, several blood tests, series of ultra sounds, pelvic exams, etc etc. ssheeessh.. i felt violated. But for our baby making plans sake, i had to go through it. As expected, they found 1 condition from my blood test. Now we know why I only ovulated once in 6 months, and a possible reason why I miscarried. Right there and then they told me that they can give me a medicine to solve that problem! My heart leaped for joy and my soul seemed to have gone to heaven and back! Oh i just can't wait! Then that same day, I was sent to the ultrasound room for one last ultrasound before they can prescribe me the meds. There I sat, wearing their blue gown, flipping my hanging feet, dancing my happy dance, singing out loud "I'm gonna get pregnant... pregnant... pregnant! I'm gonna get pregnant, pregnant! yeah baby! yeah baby!"

Then the doctor stepped in. I gave him the worlds biggest smile.... only for him to wipe it off my face. Unfortunately, the cyst on my ovary quadrupled in size in less than 2 months. It was as big as a golf ball and could still be growing...He strongly suggested to have it removed after I have a Saline ultrasound and keep me on the contraceptive pill again for another month or so.

The doctor cut the middle of his sentence and asked, "Are you ok?", to which I answered yes. Then he said, "you seem," and that's when i realized that I looked obviously stressed as I was rocking myself back and forth as he was explaining the procedure and the reasons why he strongly suggests i go through it. And so I gave him an honest answer, "I'm just scared," and once again, tears started to fill my eyes.

I was at lost. I was just there, trying to grasp as much information as I can. My ignorance on this matter ate up my strenght and left me weak in my knees. Back then I didn't know the answers to these questions: Will they be able to save my ovary? What will happen next. Will I ever be able to conceive again? Will I?

But right now, I have no better words to say but "Praise God for a successful surgery!! PRAISE GOD!!!".

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