A Valentines Letter For My Man: That kind of love

Dear Edward,

I love you I love you I love you.

Can I ever say it enough?

I love how you run your fingers through my hair. I love how we walk around, hands entwined. Heck, I even love the way you breath. And I love the kind of love that we make.

But there also many things that i totally dislike about you; such as how you pretend to listen but really not when the NBA is on.

Yet I love you still. I love the way you suck up fatigue after working through out the night, just so you can watch a chick flick movie with me. I love how you massage my feet when it's hurting due to my (unbelievably) high heels, even when yours hurt even more because you were up and about in the laboratory working; and oh, did I tell you how much I love the kind of love that we make?

But I'm still consistently reminded of the things I don't like about you. Like how your mind wanders off while I tell you about my day. Your mind is just out there: perhaps wandering about the gun that you recently purchased.

Yet again, that is nothing compared to how much love I feel for you. I love the way you only sleep for 4 hours then take care of our little  boy Collin, just so I can sleep in. I love how you live your life in the likeliness  of Christ, remembering and keeping His word in everything that you do. Also, I have to point out, in case I haven't mentioned, that I ridiculously love the kind of love that we make.

But man, I don't understand and totally dislike the way you watch the Super Bowl. You watch the whole freak'n game. Don't you know that the half time show is all that matters??!??! That's what Super Bowl is all about. Seriously man.

I'll have to say though, that at end of the day, i just can't help but love you. In spite of all the things that I dislike about you, i still am very much in love with you.

I love you my dear husband;

I love you more than words can ever say;

I love you more than any actions I can ever do;

And I just love love love love making love with you.

Love,

Mahal

The Papa Who Cried Wolf

As a lot of you already know, Papa Dward takes everything with humor. We never had a day with out his practical jokes except when we had the worst time of our lives. After we recovered and he was back to normal, I have learned to not take him seriously. Because out of 10 things he says, 11 are merely jokes.

Then last week end, we went hiking at Eaton Canyon.

Then he suddenly started screaming at us.

Papa Dward: "There's a snake! A snake! A rattle snake!"
Mama nalyn and kuya Ray: **smiling back at him**

Then kuya Ray took a step closer, away from the hiking trail, on to the bushes where Papa Dward said the snake was. Then Papa Dward instinctively pushed him away.

Papa Dward: "I'm serious guys! I'm not joking! There's a rattle snake!! "

Then he looked at us one at a time with eyes begging to believe him.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But Kuya Ray thought all the more that he was really just joking because Papa Dward said 'seriously' - an adverb Papa Dward uses loosely whenever he does pranks.

Kuya Ray then shrugged, rolled his eye and moved closer to where Papa Dward said the snake was.

Move away from there, I screamed at Kuya Ray. He then moved away and gave me the what-the-heck-do-you-actually-believe-my-dad kind of look.

Then we saw the snake. A rattle snake. For reals.

(L TO R: Papa Dward, Baby Collin Kuya Brenden, Kuya Ray)

Post divorce forecast

EDIT:
Disclaimer: This blog entry does not mean to insult or offend Edward or Anybody. As it has raised some kind of controversy, I have writen a "Public Apology" for those who have been offended. Also, the divorce is just ficticious. so is the forecast. :)

Having a failed marriage is one of my greatest fears especially now that we have Collin.

Every now and then, papa dward and I talk about the possibility of us getting a divorce. We both agree that so far there doesn't seem to be a possibility as we both are very much willing to handle/bear/tolerate/suffer with each others bothersome-anger-inducing-irritating-sometimes-impossible-to-understand-attitude. Also, we both know that there is just one thing that will lead us straight to that direction. And that is cheating.

I tell him I'll never cheat. So I say, he will not have the reason to leave me.

Then he says he will not do that also. So that means we will then never be divorced.

I know that the possibility of him cheating is slim to none, but if he ever does, HE WILL BE GOING DOWN!!

Do you know what I mean by that?

Allow me to answer that question by giving you my post divorce forecast:

1. I will start a new blog and name it www.YouAreAFuckingMoronAndASonOfAbitchEdwardTheStupidBastard.com and I will blog every day about what an A hole he is. every day. Every.single.effing.day

2. I'll gather up all his Jordan shoes and pour gas on them. I'll call him up and tell him Collin misses him. Then as soon as he arrives, I'll put his shoes on fire. And I'll laugh like a Villain as I watch him moan and groan like a biatch while trying to save his shoes from the ranging fire.

3 I'll call his new girl friend with ass kicking nick names. I think I'll call her curious George. Yeah I'll be bitter like that!!! OK. I'll think of a better name.

4. I will scratch and smash his car and stab all four tires with a knife and will spray paint "SUCKER!!" on it.

5. I will show my friends a picture of his new girlfriend. And we will talk shit about her. About how ugly she is. About how she's a high school drop out. About how her armpit stinks. Regardless of what the truth is.

6. I will drag the divorce papers and will call every girl he dates a mistress, even if we've been separated for 10, 15 or 20 yrs.

7. I will hack his facebook, email, bank account, iphone, corporate portals and the like.

8. I'll tell every one that I never really loved him and that I don't consider our divorce a failure, rather, it's a new beginning or whatever term sounds good and invigorating.

9. I'll flirt around 'till I find the most
handsome and successful man I can ever find. Never mind his attitude nor our feelings for each other, I'll just lie and tell everyone he is such a wonderful man and we are crazy about each other.

10. Lastly, I will cry myself to sleep evey night while nobody is watching. Every. Single. Effing.night.

I loose

**This is a late post. I found this blog entry in my drafts. I wrote it last spring**

Papa dward found baby Collin was just wearing his diapers when he unswaddled him. So I explained that his nanny did that because it was probably hot in his room. I further explained that, earlier, Collins nanny turned the heater off then I turned it back on.

Papa dward: it was hot??!

Mama nalyn: maybe it was a lil too warm. because remember it's hotter in his room than the rest of house

Papa dward: then why did u turn it back on? (then gives me the your're-an-evil-irresponsible-mom look)

Mama nalyn; because i was freezing. But I kept the temperature low though.

Papa d: **shrugs his shoulder**

Wanting to redeem myself, I explained further.

Mama n: I was so cold that I thought I was gonna get sick...

Papa d: **cold treatment**

Mama n: and I was getting chills...

Papa d: **gives me the you-evil-mom look again**

Mama n: my chin was really shaking uncontrollably...

Papa d: **still doesn't care**

I wanted to go on and on until he understands that the house was freezing. I wanted to say, "I was gonna pass out," or "I was having frost bites," or "it was snowing inside the house!!"

Oh I was gonna say anything to win my case.

But I knew he doesn't care. He was very wrapped up with the idea that his baby was 'uncomfortably' warm. Not very hot. Just uncomfortably warm.

So instead, I kept my mouth shut.

And stood, defeated.

An I'm Sorry note on Father's day

Once again it's Father's Day.

For 30 years in my life, I've always been eager for Father's Day; excited to greet all the dads I know. Wondering how fun would it be to be a dad. To be the strongest man to someone. To be their ultimate hero. To be someone that their offspring look up to like a perfect human being.

But today, I do not feel the same way.

I dread this day. All because the person I love so much has been dreading this day; counting down like as if the world is coming to an end. Like waiting for a bomb to explode; looking into it like a day that shouldn't happen.

And I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm sorry Edward.

Those three words are not the words I planned to say to you. But I do not know how to say happy Father's Day to you, or should I even say it at all.

I'm sorry that you don't seem happy or excited for Father's Day. But I do understand. It's your first Father's Day with out a dad after all.

You know that I'm always here for you. I am grieving with you. And you can take your time to grieve, but always remember that with me, you don't have to hold it in; you don't have to pretend;

You don't have to say jokes to make everybody laugh while you are desperately crying inside.

I know you are hurting. And that's OK. I am hurting too.

Even though it's not in the same way as you do, I am hurting too because I see you hurting. And I am hurting because your dad is my loss too.

Your dad is one of the best people I've ever known. And I hope that you know that I'm not saying that just because he passed away.

No my love. My praises to him is not like what anybody does when someone dies: saying good things that they've never said when the person was alive.

I've said this over and over again; even way back when he was alive and perfectly well: Again, your dad is one of the best people I've ever met.

I'm saying that because I've known him. His been a part of my life; of our life. He has always been everybody's papa Ed and a daddy to the both of us.

I've seen him guide you to be the man that you are now; supporting us in every decision that we make; becoming our ally from the very very very beginning of our relationship; teaching you how to be a good husband to me; reminding you to be honest in everything that you do; admitting his mistakes and telling you not to do the same;

Ultimately, you are the wonderful man that you are now because of him. You are his biggest project. And he had a job well done. And for that, I know he died in peace.

It may be very sad that you don't have a father on Father's Day. But my love, we have the reason to celebrate. We ultimately have the reason to be happy. We have kids.

Ray, Brenden, and Collin are the reasons to celebrate it for. All of them makes you a father. A no ordinary one at that.

I remember the day, a few years ago, Ray told me that he likes the way you treat him. He likes the way you trust. Allowing him to grow, and maybe make mistakes of his own. Each time we have a conversation about you, my heart throbs with joy and amazement. Ray has this big respect for you; the kind that you can rarely see in teens these days. He looks up to you like a little boy looks up to his mighty hero. Despite him knowing the mistakes you've made in the past, he loves you like no other. And that my love, makes you one of the best dad's I've ever known.

And with Brenden, the mere look of excitement that he has always had whenever he sees you again; the way he asks "when will I see you again?", with the saddest look on is face; the way he studies doubly hard when you're watching and the way he waits for you to say that he did a good job; those are only the few things that tells me that you have been a wonderful father to him and he loves you like no other. And that my love, makes you one of the best dads I've ever known.

How about with Collin? I am amazed by how close he is to you even at the age of 1. While the rest of the one year olds I know wants to be with their mommies, Collin demands for you. The way he throws tantrums the moment you go behind his gate, the way he giggles as you give him butterfly kisses, the way he sneaks away from me to you during 'tidy up time'... Those tell me that he adores you and loves you like no other. And that my love, makes you one of the best dads I've ever known.

Again, I know it's sad to not have a father on Father's Day. But you have more than enough reason to celebrate. You have Ray, Brenden and Collin. And your dad? He lives in you... because you've become the man that he wants you to be. You've become the dad to our children, the same way, if not better, that your dad is to you.

The kids love you and you are the best dad to them. And that calls for a celebration my love...

Which then makes me realize that it should be a happy Father's Day after all.

Happy Father's Day mahal! Ray, Brenden, Collin and I love you very very much!

                                                                           

Dating for the first time after the baby

Being a parent is easy. All you need to do is follow your instincts.

But being a 'responsible' parent is totally different. It's something that can not be taught; you just have to live and acquire this knowledge in each passing day.

Responsible parenthood is doing what's right for your child, not just what your heart desires. It's about letting your baby explore on his own, even if that means risking a bruise on his knee. It's about feeding him vegetables when what he really wants is banana -24/7. It's about forcing him to not go to the bathroom, when all he wants to do is play with the toilet.

Amongst all that, the hardest that I've done so far is to teach him to deal with separation anxiety.

It really doesn't sound all that hard. As a matter of fact, I've planned how to handle this way before even trying to have a baby. I've always known that I should raise my baby in a way that he doesn't suffer a bad case of separation anxiety in his toddler years. I've read books, magazines, blogs that gives suggestions in dealing with it.

Then time came when it's time to implement the plan. I told my husband that we should start being away from him for a couple of hours in the morning, while he is in a good mood and 'ol ready to play.

And below was how it rolled out...


9am: I give my mil instructions about how to take care of my baby, including but not limited to, what time his next nap will be, what to feed him, how to swaddle him, how to rock him, how to soothe him to sleep, when and how to change his diapers and more. That is despite her having 3 kids and 6 grand kids and a professional nanny of twins

915: I get dressed.

945: I go through the same
Instructions I gave at 9am.

10am: we leave the house.

10:05am:
Mama nalyn: Do you think Collin will be ok?
Papa dward: Yah of course

10:15am
Mama nalyn: Do you think Collin's ready to be away from me?
Papa dward: Yah of course

10:30am
Mama nalyn: Do you think Collin is sad because I'm gone?
Papa dward: No don't worry he'll be fine

10:45am
Mama nalyn: Being away from me for a while is good for him, right?
Papa dward: Yes of course
Mama nalyn: It is better to start young rather than me being away from him for the first time when he is already 4. Right?
Papa dward: Yes that's right
Mama nalyn: and he's having fun at home, right?
Papa dward: yes
Mama nalyn: and it's good that we go on dates so we won't be drained out and we keep a happy and healthy relationship, right?
Papa dward: yes that's right.

11am:
Mama nalyn: do you think..
Papa dward: (cuts of my sentence) OH MY GOD!! He'll be fine ok?!?!!!!!!
Mama nalyn: I wanna go home!!!!

But hey, we didn't go home. We immediately went to our appointment with the caterer for Collin's 1st birthday and then...

We watched a movie and had a lunch date. OK. We didn't! We just went straight home after the appointment.

Not bad for a first day out, right?

How to Spot a Douchebag

Disclaimer: all characters, excluding papa dward and baby Collin, appearing in this blog entry are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or (hopefully) dead is purely coincidental.

If you've followed my blog well enough, you must have probably gotten the message that I married a wonderful responsible man. He is an imperfect but awesome husband and a very reliable dad to my lil guy Collin.

I think this goes to say that 'responsible' parenthood should start when one is 'seriously' dating. That is the time when you choose who will potentially be a father to your children in the next 3 or 5or even 10 years.

You see, had I married an A hole, I wouldn't have provided a happy family for my baby Collin. But I must admit though that part of it is just pure luck. I'm lucky to have married a nice wonderful, yet imperfect and sometimes terribly annoying irritating, man.

So I guess, this blog entry goes to all the single ladies out there. It's not too late so don't rely on luck. Choose a man wisely!

Be with a real man. But how will you know?

How did I know?

Well, that's because I know how to spot a douchebag; not to mention I've dated quite a few :p

Perhaps the experience of being with a man like papa dward and some, what's the word, douchebags, gives me
the utter capacity to spot the difference.

So with out a further ado, here is a list of characteristics to streamline the process of spotting a douchbag.

1. He makes you laugh. Again, let me repeat: he makes you laugh. But do take note that papa dward makes me laugh too. What I'm just trying to say is that you can't assume the guy as 'the one' just because he can make you laugh.

2. He is an ego monster. He thinks he is the most awesome guy in the planet. But he is not the only one who thinks that, his mom does too.

3. He acts mature. The keyword is: acts

4. He pretends to be nice to his parents and siblings (if applicable). Keyword? - pretends

5. He can be romantic. If you listen carefully, you will notice that sometimes he will pull of the same line; perhaps he memorized it or used to different women but has forgotten that he said that to you already.

6. He is most likely not handsome. But he doesn't know it.

So if you see these 6 devilish characteristics in the man you are dating... Run!! Run far far far away from him!

How to Ruin a Romantic Night (accdg to Edward)

A few nights ago, the hubby and I were lying on the bed while Collin was playing with his toys on the floor. That was one of those rare moments where Collin was enjoying playing just by himself. It was a perfect time for a romantic night.

For me, being able to talk and laugh with out a baby pulling your hair and biting your skin is a romantic night at it's best.

All was great until he put his arms around me.

"oh!! What was that?" he asked in full excitement and significant lust in his face and tone of voice.

"huh? What?" I asked and paused for a second until I realized what he thought it was. "That's my stomach dude!!!! It's soft and fluffy now!!"

You see, I got no abs. What I have is a fully stretched out, flapping, stretch marked tummy. And figuring out where my breast ends and my stomach starts needs a complex analysis made by NASA. Although, I really didn't realize it's all that bad until the hubby sort of um, slap that information on may face!

But of course, just like what a typical guy would do, he denied his mistake. He pretended that he knew that it was my stomach and that I just misinterpreted him. (I can't believe he actually thought I would buy that! seriously?)

And that is how one can ruin a potentially romantic night.

The (not to mention, freakn') end!

A Rant on Edward

After Collin was born, Edward and I have never been so closed and we've never been so in love and we've never been happier and everything just fell into place. [insert more lies here]

Umm, yes you read the last sentence right. Just in case you didn't get it, let me tell it to you straight: the above paragraph is everything but the truth.

Don't get me wrong though. Collin is the best thing that ever happened in our life. But you see, I'll have to admit that there is a huge responsibility that came with it. And before I say anything else, I'd like to clarify that I am exactly where I want to be. I don't want to change a thing. (yes it's ok that he bites me when I nurse him. It's part of the memories that I'll never ever forget!) oh wait, there is something I want to be changed!! Hint hint - see title of this blog entry! ;)

You see, our life before was about having a nice dinner on a week night, movies on the week end and traveling twice a year where our heart desires.

Then came Collin.

Our house is in now in turmoil. The bed is not made. The laundry is full. The dishes are dirty... Ok ok ok it had always been like that even before Collin came to the picture. But I swear something changed! Or someone did! Someone got soooooo cranky! Hint hint hint - see title of this blog entry ;)

Yes my dear readers. I'm ranting about edward's annoying behavior.

Allow me to share some stories:

Story 1: one night when Collin was about 3 wks old, my body was in so much pain because my legs and hands were swollen. To add to this inconvenience, Collin didn't want to sleep in his crib. He had to be held all night long else he wakes up right away. Because I was trying to be a good wife, I held him for hours on end so edward will not be awakened with Collins loud cries. I was so excited for morning to come so when the hubby wakes up, he'll be my knight and shining armor like always. I just knew in my heart that the moment he sees me still awake, he will get the baby and let me sleep for as long as I want. Then Finally, after his 8 hrs of deep slumber, he woke up! I was about to do my happy dance when he blurted grouchily , "aahhh!! I'm so tired!! My head hurts!!!"
Grrr!!

2 after being off from work for a month and a half, I came back with more than what a human being can possibly handle. So to catch up, I worked day in and day out, every single day of the week! Yup, including week ends! On the 5th week end that I was working, I told edward that I really want to be off the next week end and the only way for that to happen is for me to work that day with out taking care of Collin every couple of hours. Which means, he has to take over my week end mama duties that day instead of doing something very very important -play basketball. Since it's very heart breaking for him to skip a game, he had to sarcastically tell me that since Collin is always sleeping, he will then sleep again and make himself fat and swollen. His exact words?? "oh cge nde na ako magbabasketball. Magpapamanas nlng ako."
GRRRRRR

3. One day, instead of coming home to a peaceful house, I came home hearing a discussion between edward and his mom, who spent the night at our house. I felt for edward as he was complaining to his mom as to why she woke him up when he still had time to sleep and that he had an alarm clock anyway. While feeling sorry for him, I asked for more information.
Rei: what time did she wake you up?
Edward: 1:18!!!!!
Rei: huh? What time was you alarm clock set?? **confused**
Edward: 1:20!!!!

Nyaaaaaaa

4. One conversation
Rei: gosh I'm so tired. I only slept for 2hrs
Edward: my throat hurts

5 in a other conversation
Rei: I'm so sleepy. I haven't slept in weeks
Edward: my back hurts

6 in a txt msg at 3am
Rei: gosh Collin is awake. He doesn't wanna sleep.
Edward: I'm feeling sick

7- in another conversation
Rei: collin is teething. I was up all night because he was crying
Edward: oh men my skin hurts!

Did you notice anything wierd in numbers 4-7? No I didn't cut anything out. That's was exactly how he responded in my complaints!! Nyarrr

I'm not trying to ruin edward nor am I looking for someone to beat him up for me. (but if you insist, go ahead) :)

Even though he has been annoying, I think I just have to learn to understand him. You see, you can make him do anything but loose a minute of sleep. You can make him clean the bathroom, sweep the floor, vacuum the carpet, cook dinner, roll on the floor, sit still, get the ball with his mouth, jump off a cliff. Anything! Just not during his bedtime!

Perhaps this is what parenting is about. It's about working together and understanding each other.

Yes, a baby can make you closer and pulls you together. But the amount of responsibility that is suddenly on your shoulders can make or shake a marriage.

And I choose to let this 'make' our marriage. (with a lil rant on the side of course!)

Ps: xoxoxo to my hubby who is quite 'ruined' in this blog. I luv u sleepy head!

Happy father's day to my edward!

When it's fathers day, I hear a lot of people say that every day should be treated like it's fathers day. The same for mothers day, valentines day, Christmas day, birthday or what have you. On all those occasions however, the notion of celebrating it every day ends the same day as the actual event. Then it just becomes an overrated cliche.

I'd like to change this mindset because edward deserves it. Yes, he deserves a daily father's day. (or so I think (:)

I know he would like it better if I have something for him for today's father's day, like a 'turbo-engine-something-I-don't-understand-kind-of-linggo' for his car, a game for his ps3, a new gun or anything manly! That's just my two cents!!

But today, I dedicate a blog entry. (which I'm pretty sure he's not interested, let alone spend time to read. But I'll write one anyway!)

I'm writing this because I'm very much in love with him. But can you blame me? He makes me fall in love with him every single day... Ok ok ok.. There are a handful of days wherein I just want to send him back to his mother via fedex priority overnight (bubble wrap unnecessary)... But most days, like the majority of days, he just sweeps me off my feet. For reals.

Marrying him has remained the best decision I've ever made... Because that decision is the reason why my son is very lucky. He is a wonderful hands on dad. He is the most awesome dad in the planet; oh i mean, the universe!! Forget about how he works overtime as much as possible to provide for the boys. Forget about how he doubles, triples check the doors are locked and the alarm is set in our house. Forget about how he would catch a bullet for us! Those are just the basic job responsibilities of a dad. Edward on the other hand, has all the 'plus' laid out in his 'daddy portfolio.'

Let me tell you about it.

Every afternoon, he takes Collin for a fieldtrip. Just the two of them. May it be at the zoo, park, mall or at the market. He doesn't even use a stroller. Instead, he wears a carrier where Collin sits cozily. He carries all 16lbs with him for more or less 3 hours.

He changes his diapers even if there's a massive poop explosion in it. He feeds him. He bathes him. He reads to him. He plays with him. He tickles him. He sings to him. And I bet he will breastfeed him if he had mammary glands!!

Im just happy and proud that I was able to select a perfect dad for my son... And I hope that he remains as such. :)

To edward, happy fathers day to you my luv!

And I'm sorry I can't luv you today as much as I will tomorrow... Because I just cant help but love you more each day.

Reminis'n: I gave birth to an Octopus

Disclaimer: this blog entry is awfully long and can cause migrane attacts! I hate longggg blog entries myself, but I can’t help it. This is such a momentous occasion in my life and I got wayyy too excited!

It was four days before my scheduled induction. My alarm rang 15 minutes before 8 am as usual. I pulled myself up and remained sited at the edge of the bed as I realized that the contractions that I had been feeling for the past 5 weeks had gotten worse.

I got up and went to the bathroom. Then there I was; Once again panicking; On the verge of tearing the entire bathroom, if not the entire house, down. I was BLEEDING. Quite heavily. Far from what any prenatal book says.

Despite being 39 weeks pregnant, the sight of so much blood threw me off. I knew I may have the baby anytime. But the blood. Oh the sight of that blood. It was a reminder of something that was not beautiful.

To calm me down, I consulted my ‘personal’ doctor. Dr. GOOGLE.com

Big mistake. Enormous. HUGE!

Dr Google said that a pregnant woman can have about a teaspoon full of blood discharge when she goes into labor. When it’s more than that, it’s not normal.

Frantically, I called my doctor. My Real doctor.

After the nurse used all the energy she had just to calm me down, I called my husband at work.

Edward: “hello?”
Rei: “mahal, umuwi ka na.”
Edward: “bakit???”
Rei: “I’m bleeding.”
Edward: “OHHH MY GODDDD!!!!!!!!!!! SHITTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!” **furious**
Rei: “WHAT’S WRONG? HINDI KA PAPAYAGANG UMUWI!!!!!???” ***Way more furious than Edward***
Edward: “HINDI YUN!!!! BA’T KA BLEEDING???!!!???!!! SHIT!!!!!!! SHIT!!!”
Rei: “oh, Baka raw it’s time na sabi ng nurse.”
Edward: “huh?”
Rei: “Baka manganak na raw ako.”
Edward: “oh yeah?? Sige sige sige uwi na ako.” ***mood totally changed. Now extremely excited***

I was then calm and excited for the next 30 minutes or so. But as we drove and unfortunately got stuck in traffic, fear and paranoia once again started to take over my sanity.

In my head I saw snapshots of my bloody discharge. I tried to be optimist but I couldn’t help but thought, “What if I’m bleeding quite heavily because something is wrong. What if my baby is not getting enough oxygen?”

Panicking, I told my husband to drive faster. And of course, being the now-paranoid couple, he asked me if I counted baby’s kicks as I was instructed by the doctor to do so daily. I answered no. He asked me whether or not the baby is active. Again, I answered no. He asked me if I was still bleeding. This time, I said yes.

My mom interrupted and told us that everything is ok. That the baby may not be as active as before because he doesn’t have enough room to move around anymore.

We knew that. But still.

I know. We were paranoid like crazy.

In the hospital, I was partly scared and partly excited; scared that they might send me home despite bleeding, and excited because it could possibly be time. And no; believe it or not, I wasn’t scared to give birth, even though that meant pushing a human being out of my vajeyjey!

It turned out that I was barely 2cm dilated and the bleeding could be because I was in early labor, or only because I had been internally examined the day before. If it turned out to be the latter, I would be sent home.

The thought of going home scared the hell out of me. You see, I’d been doing everything in my power to take care of my pregnancy and the thought of something going wrong is rather unacceptable. I had been in and out of the doctor’s office every 4-7 days for more than 9 months; seeing 1-5 specialists at a time. I never missed an appointment. I’m on top of everything that will help ensure a safe and healthy baby.

I kept telling my husband, my mom, and my sister in law, Armie, that I don’t want to go home. And they all told me the same thing: “Umarte ka”. They kept telling me to exaggerate how much in pain I am because when they see that, they might decide to have me stay. And sure enough, minutes later a doctor came and said I wasn’t in labor yet because I still had a huge smile across my face. But dude!! She saw me when I wasn’t having a contraction. She should have seen me 3 minutes before that. I hate to admit it but I feel like I was a crazy woman that day. Smiling for a few minutes, then focused on one random thing with eyebrows crossed, like that of angry birds, as I go through each contraction. Then the cycle continues; smiling, frowning, smiling, frowning, with 5-7 minute intervals.

After a series of tests, my doctor finally said they’ll only admit me if I progress. She asked me to walked around for about an hour or so then they will check how dilated I become.

So there I was, with my mom and husband walking outside the labor room. In my head, I knew that was a make or break kind of deal. I had to dilate more; else I wouldn’t be admitted. So I brisk walked, to which my mom disagreed because it would tire me and will leave me with out the energy to push later. But to me, I just want to be admitted right there and then. So I walked slowly when my mom is around, but by the time I get to the other side of the building, where my mom couldn’t see me, I brisk walk as fast as I can; holding on to my bulging dropping belly; stopping only during a contraction; then moving on.

More or less an hour later, the contractions were pretty darn bad. We then went back to the labor room and at roughly 5pm, I was officially admitted.

Several hours later, it was time; For reals.

Edward: “Push mahal! Pushhhh!!”
Rei: ***pushes then screams*** “AAAhhhhhh!!”
Edward: “Sige pa mahal. Ayan na tlaga. Ayan na! 1, 2, 3, Pushhh!!!!!!!!”
Edward: ***while Rei’s pushing*** “PUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH. Ayan na tlaga! Konti nlng! PUUUSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

With my hand tighly holding on to my husband’s, I held on my breath long and pushed as hard as I can. It was then that I felt like an octopus came out me; He felt so soft, with limbs so soft like as if it were hanging loose. The next thing I knew was my mom, with only God knows how many cameras were hanging on her neck, and my husband, were teary eyed and looking down by my doctor’s hands. I saw the joy in their faces. My husband let go of my hand. He moved towards the doctor, while mom was moving around everywhere, taking pictures on every angle mathematics has to offer. I tried to pull my upper ‘exhausted’ unassisted body forward to look. Then I heard the bestest sound ever, my baby’s first cry.

It was then that Edward and I looked at each others eyes like we never did before.

On my chest they immediately put my baby; still bloody and all. At that exact moment, blood’s beauty once again emerged.

Edward: “Eto na talaga mahal. Eto na” **crying**
Rei: “I know. I know…” **crying**

I never held anything so beautiful.

I never felt as happy. Not even close.

Tears of joy dawned on me.

I’m a mother. And it’s official. Birth Certified.

John 16:21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.