A Valentines Letter For My Man: That kind of love

Dear Edward,

I love you I love you I love you.

Can I ever say it enough?

I love how you run your fingers through my hair. I love how we walk around, hands entwined. Heck, I even love the way you breath. And I love the kind of love that we make.

But there also many things that i totally dislike about you; such as how you pretend to listen but really not when the NBA is on.

Yet I love you still. I love the way you suck up fatigue after working through out the night, just so you can watch a chick flick movie with me. I love how you massage my feet when it's hurting due to my (unbelievably) high heels, even when yours hurt even more because you were up and about in the laboratory working; and oh, did I tell you how much I love the kind of love that we make?

But I'm still consistently reminded of the things I don't like about you. Like how your mind wanders off while I tell you about my day. Your mind is just out there: perhaps wandering about the gun that you recently purchased.

Yet again, that is nothing compared to how much love I feel for you. I love the way you only sleep for 4 hours then take care of our little  boy Collin, just so I can sleep in. I love how you live your life in the likeliness  of Christ, remembering and keeping His word in everything that you do. Also, I have to point out, in case I haven't mentioned, that I ridiculously love the kind of love that we make.

But man, I don't understand and totally dislike the way you watch the Super Bowl. You watch the whole freak'n game. Don't you know that the half time show is all that matters??!??! That's what Super Bowl is all about. Seriously man.

I'll have to say though, that at end of the day, i just can't help but love you. In spite of all the things that I dislike about you, i still am very much in love with you.

I love you my dear husband;

I love you more than words can ever say;

I love you more than any actions I can ever do;

And I just love love love love making love with you.

Love,

Mahal

Letter to Collin (at 15 months)

Dear Collin,

You just turned 15 months old today and here comes mommy again writing you a letter even though you can't even identify a single letter of the alphabet just yet. But you see my love, I refuse to let this moment pass with out compiling the beautiful life that we share; these moments that you certainly will forget when you grow up but are most definitely worth remembering. There are just so many beautiful things about the past 3 months that made mommy fall in love with you deeper every single day. And I just want to make sure, that when I'm old and my hair is gray, we can breath in the beauty of the past and reminisce the abundance of our love by reading my letters to you.

Oh sweetheart, You always make mommy happy and proud.

I am elated even by the little things that you do. You've shown me how miracles happen every single day.

When you just turned one, I half heartedly decided to wean you from the breast, thinking it will be the best for us. But how can I say no to you my sweetie pie? How can I resist your request as you propel yourself, landing on my chest, nuzzling on my breast, and looking straight in my eyes, saying "MAM..MAM.." My heart melts. So we lie down, your skin against my skin, my arms wrapped around you and yours wrapped around me. And happily, you suckle.

It amazes me how you seem to know your daily routine; like as if you have a watch on your wrist and you know just exactly what you are suppose to do at that hour. But what melts my heart is what you do when I don't noticed that its time to feed you. While I'm very preoccupied with work inside my room, you would walk away from your nanny and bang the door while you're standing outside my room screaming "MAM! MAM! MAM." like as if to say, "dude I'm hungry!! FEED ME!! NOW!!"

I am awed by your love of the water sprinklers. When we're outside, you tell me to turn it on by pointing to the switch (and throwing tantrums when I don't) then you marvel at the water. Blocking the water with your hand. Squeaking in delight when it splashed to you face. That my bratty boy, makes mommy look forward to comming home from work each day. Oh you've always been the highlight of my day.

Just a couple of weeks ago, You learned the sign language for 'milk' and 'more'. But innitially, you only do it for a show instead of using it when you actually want 'more' or 'milk'. Just like when you show close/open with you hands, the lizard look by sticking your tongue out, cutie pie by squinting your eye while showing the world's cutest smile, and dance by basically shaking your shoulders.

Those are just few of the many many wonderful things that you learned to do in the past three months.

Thanks sweetie, for giving me the kind of happiness that I've never had.

I love you so much Collin. More than words can ever say. And more than any action I can ever do. I love you above, over, and beyond anything in my life.




Love,
Mommy

Collin & Mommy

Collin & the Big Bros

Collin's 1st haircut

The men in my life

Collin's favorite ride

Playing at the Mall

An I'm Sorry note on Father's day

Once again it's Father's Day.

For 30 years in my life, I've always been eager for Father's Day; excited to greet all the dads I know. Wondering how fun would it be to be a dad. To be the strongest man to someone. To be their ultimate hero. To be someone that their offspring look up to like a perfect human being.

But today, I do not feel the same way.

I dread this day. All because the person I love so much has been dreading this day; counting down like as if the world is coming to an end. Like waiting for a bomb to explode; looking into it like a day that shouldn't happen.

And I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm sorry Edward.

Those three words are not the words I planned to say to you. But I do not know how to say happy Father's Day to you, or should I even say it at all.

I'm sorry that you don't seem happy or excited for Father's Day. But I do understand. It's your first Father's Day with out a dad after all.

You know that I'm always here for you. I am grieving with you. And you can take your time to grieve, but always remember that with me, you don't have to hold it in; you don't have to pretend;

You don't have to say jokes to make everybody laugh while you are desperately crying inside.

I know you are hurting. And that's OK. I am hurting too.

Even though it's not in the same way as you do, I am hurting too because I see you hurting. And I am hurting because your dad is my loss too.

Your dad is one of the best people I've ever known. And I hope that you know that I'm not saying that just because he passed away.

No my love. My praises to him is not like what anybody does when someone dies: saying good things that they've never said when the person was alive.

I've said this over and over again; even way back when he was alive and perfectly well: Again, your dad is one of the best people I've ever met.

I'm saying that because I've known him. His been a part of my life; of our life. He has always been everybody's papa Ed and a daddy to the both of us.

I've seen him guide you to be the man that you are now; supporting us in every decision that we make; becoming our ally from the very very very beginning of our relationship; teaching you how to be a good husband to me; reminding you to be honest in everything that you do; admitting his mistakes and telling you not to do the same;

Ultimately, you are the wonderful man that you are now because of him. You are his biggest project. And he had a job well done. And for that, I know he died in peace.

It may be very sad that you don't have a father on Father's Day. But my love, we have the reason to celebrate. We ultimately have the reason to be happy. We have kids.

Ray, Brenden, and Collin are the reasons to celebrate it for. All of them makes you a father. A no ordinary one at that.

I remember the day, a few years ago, Ray told me that he likes the way you treat him. He likes the way you trust. Allowing him to grow, and maybe make mistakes of his own. Each time we have a conversation about you, my heart throbs with joy and amazement. Ray has this big respect for you; the kind that you can rarely see in teens these days. He looks up to you like a little boy looks up to his mighty hero. Despite him knowing the mistakes you've made in the past, he loves you like no other. And that my love, makes you one of the best dad's I've ever known.

And with Brenden, the mere look of excitement that he has always had whenever he sees you again; the way he asks "when will I see you again?", with the saddest look on is face; the way he studies doubly hard when you're watching and the way he waits for you to say that he did a good job; those are only the few things that tells me that you have been a wonderful father to him and he loves you like no other. And that my love, makes you one of the best dads I've ever known.

How about with Collin? I am amazed by how close he is to you even at the age of 1. While the rest of the one year olds I know wants to be with their mommies, Collin demands for you. The way he throws tantrums the moment you go behind his gate, the way he giggles as you give him butterfly kisses, the way he sneaks away from me to you during 'tidy up time'... Those tell me that he adores you and loves you like no other. And that my love, makes you one of the best dads I've ever known.

Again, I know it's sad to not have a father on Father's Day. But you have more than enough reason to celebrate. You have Ray, Brenden and Collin. And your dad? He lives in you... because you've become the man that he wants you to be. You've become the dad to our children, the same way, if not better, that your dad is to you.

The kids love you and you are the best dad to them. And that calls for a celebration my love...

Which then makes me realize that it should be a happy Father's Day after all.

Happy Father's Day mahal! Ray, Brenden, Collin and I love you very very much!

                                                                           

A letter to Collin (as he turns one)

Dear Collin,

You might not believe it, or understand it just yet, but baby, you turned my life around.

The moment I knew that I was carrying you, the flowers bloomed, the birds chirped, the sky turned so blue. Oh everything just became much more beautiful. It was that news that made me happy again. You made me live again. No hatred. No bitterness. It was then that I can face the world with real smile plastered across my face.

You freed me from a bondage. You freed me from the monthly frustrations of getting negative pregnancy tests. You freed me from the pain of knowing I may never be a 'mother.' You freed me from the galloping sadness that swallows me whole when a pregnant woman passes by.

And would you believe, its been a year since I gave birth to you.

Yes my dear pork pie, you are one year old today.

Where has time gone by?

Didn't I just take you home from the hospital yesterday?

honey bunny, time flies really fast. But that's ok because every day I had since I have you has been a time well spent; Spent with lots of hugs and kisses. Off coo's and sighs and sometimes soprano like cries. It's been spent with me soothing you through the night, watching you sleep. It's been spent making funny faces that makes you laugh. It's been spent chasing you around while you crawl so fast like a rat. It's been spent tickling you. Dancing with you. And lots of peek a boos. It's been spent with just about every nursery rhymes out there. It's been all spent with so much love. Lots and lots of love.

I clearly remember the day we brought you home. Your dad was driving while you and I were at the back seat. As soon our car made a turn at the curb by our house, I started crying baby. I cried tears of joy like never before.

"I was pregnant when we left the house. And unlike my previous pregnancy, we are actually now back home with a baby on hand. I can't believe this is real." That was all I could say in between grasps of breath.

And that was the day that our house turned into a home.

Oh honey bunny, you refused to let mommy sleep when we got home. You scream like a giant bear the moment I move a foot away from you. You are most comfortable when you sleep on my chest; listening to my heartbeat perhaps telling you how much I love you.

After a couple of months you started sleeping through the night; 6-8 hrs straight. But then you started teething, all of a sudden, we were back to square one. You once again wanted to stay close. Lying on my chest. Listening to my heart as it tells you how much I love you.

At 4 months you started to sit unassisted. Your body wobbles from side to side as you try to keep your balance. And you started laughing too!! Oh you are the cutest!!! You made mommy smile ear to ear.

At 6 months you had your first bottom teeth. I was having such a lousy upsetting day. I was holding you and hugging you as I attempt to make myself feel better. And it was then that you grinned and showed me your bottom front tooth. And thats all you had to do baby. You turned my day around just like that.

At 8 months you surprised us when you started crawling all of a sudden. I thought you were satisfied with just scooting around. But it's like you changed your mind. Your dad and I were in awe as you made your way to me from him. Oh once again. You made our day!!

My dear Collin, I cant help but cry in the depths of unfathomable happiness and content. You just grew up way too fast. But yet again, that's ok, because every single day were time well spent.

I love you so much Collin. More than words can every say. And more than any action I can ever do. I love you above over and beyond anything in my life.

Love,
Mommy

Happy father's day to my edward!

When it's fathers day, I hear a lot of people say that every day should be treated like it's fathers day. The same for mothers day, valentines day, Christmas day, birthday or what have you. On all those occasions however, the notion of celebrating it every day ends the same day as the actual event. Then it just becomes an overrated cliche.

I'd like to change this mindset because edward deserves it. Yes, he deserves a daily father's day. (or so I think (:)

I know he would like it better if I have something for him for today's father's day, like a 'turbo-engine-something-I-don't-understand-kind-of-linggo' for his car, a game for his ps3, a new gun or anything manly! That's just my two cents!!

But today, I dedicate a blog entry. (which I'm pretty sure he's not interested, let alone spend time to read. But I'll write one anyway!)

I'm writing this because I'm very much in love with him. But can you blame me? He makes me fall in love with him every single day... Ok ok ok.. There are a handful of days wherein I just want to send him back to his mother via fedex priority overnight (bubble wrap unnecessary)... But most days, like the majority of days, he just sweeps me off my feet. For reals.

Marrying him has remained the best decision I've ever made... Because that decision is the reason why my son is very lucky. He is a wonderful hands on dad. He is the most awesome dad in the planet; oh i mean, the universe!! Forget about how he works overtime as much as possible to provide for the boys. Forget about how he doubles, triples check the doors are locked and the alarm is set in our house. Forget about how he would catch a bullet for us! Those are just the basic job responsibilities of a dad. Edward on the other hand, has all the 'plus' laid out in his 'daddy portfolio.'

Let me tell you about it.

Every afternoon, he takes Collin for a fieldtrip. Just the two of them. May it be at the zoo, park, mall or at the market. He doesn't even use a stroller. Instead, he wears a carrier where Collin sits cozily. He carries all 16lbs with him for more or less 3 hours.

He changes his diapers even if there's a massive poop explosion in it. He feeds him. He bathes him. He reads to him. He plays with him. He tickles him. He sings to him. And I bet he will breastfeed him if he had mammary glands!!

Im just happy and proud that I was able to select a perfect dad for my son... And I hope that he remains as such. :)

To edward, happy fathers day to you my luv!

And I'm sorry I can't luv you today as much as I will tomorrow... Because I just cant help but love you more each day.