Miscommunication 101 (or people, from different planets, sort of talking)

Disclaimer: All names have been changed to protect the people involved, while reflecting actual scenarios.

I love everything about California. The weather, the people, the buildings, and the lifestyle.

California is certainly the melting pot of cultures; With residents coming from around the globe; From Filipinos to Mexicans, Indians, Koreans, Chinese, Vietnamese and more.

Having all these nationalities makes life easier for me since I am a Filipino, an alien to this country. Because there is so much diversity, there is barely, if any, racial discrimination around here.

However, there is one disadvantage: The difficulty for us to understand each other due to our strong accents.

Care for some examples?

Below are two conversations I had with our previous gardener and nanny.

Scenario 1:

It was a Friday and it's time to cut a check for the nanny that used to work for us. I wasn't sure how to spell her full name so I went to her with my checkbook and pen on hand.

Can I get your full name for your check please, I asked. Then she gave me a long ass name that I have never heard in my entire life.

Mama nalyn: can you spell out your first name please?
Yaya: ok. It's D
Mama nalyn: D **writes D on the check**
Yaya: O
Mama nalyn: O
Yaya: Aw
Mama nalyn: Aw?
Yaya: AW. Aw For wabit
mama nalyn: wabit?
Yaya: WA-BIT. Wabit!!


Ohhhhhh... Rabbit!


Scenario 2:

I heard the doorbell rang so I went outside. There I saw our gardener, Juan, looking around our lawn.

Juan: "grass dirt leaves tree"
Mama nalyn: "what??? I'm sorry but I'm not understanding you."
Juan: "grass there no?"
Mama nalyn: "yes please. Mow the lawn."
Juan: "si. Si. Grass there noh?"
Mama nalyn: what? Yes cut the grass please
Juan: noh noh noh. Grass dirt leaves tree??

Wwwhhhaaaattttttt?????!!!!!

The Papa Who Cried Wolf

As a lot of you already know, Papa Dward takes everything with humor. We never had a day with out his practical jokes except when we had the worst time of our lives. After we recovered and he was back to normal, I have learned to not take him seriously. Because out of 10 things he says, 11 are merely jokes.

Then last week end, we went hiking at Eaton Canyon.

Then he suddenly started screaming at us.

Papa Dward: "There's a snake! A snake! A rattle snake!"
Mama nalyn and kuya Ray: **smiling back at him**

Then kuya Ray took a step closer, away from the hiking trail, on to the bushes where Papa Dward said the snake was. Then Papa Dward instinctively pushed him away.

Papa Dward: "I'm serious guys! I'm not joking! There's a rattle snake!! "

Then he looked at us one at a time with eyes begging to believe him.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But Kuya Ray thought all the more that he was really just joking because Papa Dward said 'seriously' - an adverb Papa Dward uses loosely whenever he does pranks.

Kuya Ray then shrugged, rolled his eye and moved closer to where Papa Dward said the snake was.

Move away from there, I screamed at Kuya Ray. He then moved away and gave me the what-the-heck-do-you-actually-believe-my-dad kind of look.

Then we saw the snake. A rattle snake. For reals.

(L TO R: Papa Dward, Baby Collin Kuya Brenden, Kuya Ray)

A Chance to Let Love Thrive

The boggling Colorado shootout during the "Batman the dark knight rises" movie premiere took the life of 12 people and injured many.

Who would have thought that an innocent movie night could bring a tragic end to the lives of many? Leaving behind their love ones with nothing but fallen hopes and dreams that will never come true; children loosing their parents and parents loosing their children.

I can only imagine the horror; the panic; the pain of seeing their love one be shot and die right next to them, as they hang on to dear life, with nothing with them but just a glimpse of hope that they can all come out of it alive.

This is just one of the many incidents around us that reminds us the value of the people we love; to take the time to slow down and embrace the beauty of life; to stop and say 'I love you'. To kiss and to hug.

This is the time for us to be reminded just how lucky we are for the mere fact that out love ones are alive; giving us a chance to make things right; to live. To Love And let love thrive.

An I'm Sorry note on Father's day

Once again it's Father's Day.

For 30 years in my life, I've always been eager for Father's Day; excited to greet all the dads I know. Wondering how fun would it be to be a dad. To be the strongest man to someone. To be their ultimate hero. To be someone that their offspring look up to like a perfect human being.

But today, I do not feel the same way.

I dread this day. All because the person I love so much has been dreading this day; counting down like as if the world is coming to an end. Like waiting for a bomb to explode; looking into it like a day that shouldn't happen.

And I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm sorry Edward.

Those three words are not the words I planned to say to you. But I do not know how to say happy Father's Day to you, or should I even say it at all.

I'm sorry that you don't seem happy or excited for Father's Day. But I do understand. It's your first Father's Day with out a dad after all.

You know that I'm always here for you. I am grieving with you. And you can take your time to grieve, but always remember that with me, you don't have to hold it in; you don't have to pretend;

You don't have to say jokes to make everybody laugh while you are desperately crying inside.

I know you are hurting. And that's OK. I am hurting too.

Even though it's not in the same way as you do, I am hurting too because I see you hurting. And I am hurting because your dad is my loss too.

Your dad is one of the best people I've ever known. And I hope that you know that I'm not saying that just because he passed away.

No my love. My praises to him is not like what anybody does when someone dies: saying good things that they've never said when the person was alive.

I've said this over and over again; even way back when he was alive and perfectly well: Again, your dad is one of the best people I've ever met.

I'm saying that because I've known him. His been a part of my life; of our life. He has always been everybody's papa Ed and a daddy to the both of us.

I've seen him guide you to be the man that you are now; supporting us in every decision that we make; becoming our ally from the very very very beginning of our relationship; teaching you how to be a good husband to me; reminding you to be honest in everything that you do; admitting his mistakes and telling you not to do the same;

Ultimately, you are the wonderful man that you are now because of him. You are his biggest project. And he had a job well done. And for that, I know he died in peace.

It may be very sad that you don't have a father on Father's Day. But my love, we have the reason to celebrate. We ultimately have the reason to be happy. We have kids.

Ray, Brenden, and Collin are the reasons to celebrate it for. All of them makes you a father. A no ordinary one at that.

I remember the day, a few years ago, Ray told me that he likes the way you treat him. He likes the way you trust. Allowing him to grow, and maybe make mistakes of his own. Each time we have a conversation about you, my heart throbs with joy and amazement. Ray has this big respect for you; the kind that you can rarely see in teens these days. He looks up to you like a little boy looks up to his mighty hero. Despite him knowing the mistakes you've made in the past, he loves you like no other. And that my love, makes you one of the best dad's I've ever known.

And with Brenden, the mere look of excitement that he has always had whenever he sees you again; the way he asks "when will I see you again?", with the saddest look on is face; the way he studies doubly hard when you're watching and the way he waits for you to say that he did a good job; those are only the few things that tells me that you have been a wonderful father to him and he loves you like no other. And that my love, makes you one of the best dads I've ever known.

How about with Collin? I am amazed by how close he is to you even at the age of 1. While the rest of the one year olds I know wants to be with their mommies, Collin demands for you. The way he throws tantrums the moment you go behind his gate, the way he giggles as you give him butterfly kisses, the way he sneaks away from me to you during 'tidy up time'... Those tell me that he adores you and loves you like no other. And that my love, makes you one of the best dads I've ever known.

Again, I know it's sad to not have a father on Father's Day. But you have more than enough reason to celebrate. You have Ray, Brenden and Collin. And your dad? He lives in you... because you've become the man that he wants you to be. You've become the dad to our children, the same way, if not better, that your dad is to you.

The kids love you and you are the best dad to them. And that calls for a celebration my love...

Which then makes me realize that it should be a happy Father's Day after all.

Happy Father's Day mahal! Ray, Brenden, Collin and I love you very very much!

                                                                           

My Eulogy for the Best Father in Law in the World

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid."
John 14:27

 **I wrote this eulogy the week end after his death and i didn't get to finish it due to the amount of work I had to do before flying to the philippines. Despite this being an unfinished first drarft, i said it anyway on Dad ed's funeral. I hope this brings honor to the life that he has lived.**

People around me are saying that death is better than living in so much physical pain. But what I never understood is why? Why are we left to choose between the lesser of two evils? You see, I had a very very close mind. All I want for daddy ed is to be well. And Nothing less.

All those times, I never failed to say that there is still hope. That we are gonna get through this. And that all he need is a medicine. A doctor. A visit from friends and family. I even name names of people who's been in the same situation, but managed to get through it. Believe me when I say I never ran out of examples. Basing it on experiences of family and friends and friends of friends... Naming each of them specifically and saying that if all of them made it alive then why can't he? Why can't dad beat death?

I never lossed hope. I never say give up. I never said let go. Until the night before his death, when I had to tell him "we are gonna be ok dad. We are gonna be ok. We just don't want you to be in pain."

I lied. I had to lie. Because I know it's not ok. I. am. not. ok.

Because how can I be ok with the fact that I can no longer see dad cuddling in bed with my step son brenden. I will never see dad making him tents out of blankets on top of his bed. I will never see dad Ed and my step son ray and my nephew jay-jay buying ice cream together. I will never see dad making bread with butter topped with sugar for ray. I will never see Collin's look of sheer happiness as dad Ed calls him apong. I will never see dad and Collin having their small conversations that seems to be understood by nobody else but the both of them.

Yes I should be ok. But it's hard to loose someone who's been a family to me for so long.

I met dad Ed way back on February of 2004. It was a valentines day. I was walking right behind Edward, begging him not to intoduce me just yet. I was scared and panicking and I fretted that they are not going to like me. I pushed my hair back with the palm of my hand. I tried to reach for a compact mirror before we get to the door... Only to find him at the patio. Looking over his shoulder with his gaze straight to us. Then he smiled. Anxious as I was, I only stared back and showed a half a smile. Before anybody could say anything, I was positive we were at the wrong apartment. He can't be Edwards dad. I mean I know I was going out with a really good looking guy... But that guy in the patio, with broad shoulders and sideburns enhancing his jawline and eyes deeply set and a pointy high bridged nose. That can't be Edwards dad.

My jaw just dropped when he called him dad. Then we walked in the apartment where the rest of Edwards family were; i was mesmirized by the warm welcome they showed me. All of them: mommy Meda. Armie, Lola Monique and other friends and relatives. They all seemed excited to meet me.

But despite everybody being nice and warm, I was fixated to dad Ed. I mean i absolutely loved the rest of the family. But as I've said in my speech on dad's 60th bday 5 yrs ago, dad Ed is my favorite. Choosing a favorite from a family with members so easy to love makes picking a favorite a difficult choice to make; but he is my favorite nonetheless. His tone of voice that speaks of the kind of man he is: respectable and compassionate. His endless jokes that cracks me up in every single conversation we have had. And his monggo. Yes, the mongo he cooks is incomparable. Plus the fact that he cooks that often for Edward to bring so my sister and I enjoy it. He is indeed a very thoughtful man.

I'm sure everybody here remembers him as the man who never rans out of joke. I clearly remember that whenever we have parties in the states, friends and family alike are eagerly waiting for dad to speak up, because that's when the party starts; the fun begins.

But I suppose not a lot of people knows his soft side because he never puts his guard down. He always has his smile on.

Until that day that Edward was hospitalized on April of 2004. As I stepped in the waiting room, I saw him sitting on one of the chairs; slouched with his gaze on the floor. Face flushed and eyes filled with tears.

"Tito Ed.?" I called. Then he gave a quick sudden jerk as he straightened his back, sat up, and gave me worlds fakest smile. "oh anak nasa private room na si Edward" So I left and went to the private room only to go back to him with the news that Edward is being sent back to the ICU. And that was the first and last time that I saw a sad look on his face; he pulled his hands up to the sides of his head; he once again slouched and tears filled the brim of his eyes.

Silence consumed us as I watched dad's other side: a loving, selfless father.

"magmahalan kayo (love each other)" those were the last words he told me the last time I saw him. Those are two simple words that will never be forgotten.

I don't understand why I have to let go. But I will. One day at a time. I will

Dad, I just want you to know that we love you and you'll surely be missed.

       


  (L TO R: Edward, Dad Ed, Mom Meda, Armie, Ate Mye)