My Eulogy for the Best Father in Law in the World

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid."
John 14:27

 **I wrote this eulogy the week end after his death and i didn't get to finish it due to the amount of work I had to do before flying to the philippines. Despite this being an unfinished first drarft, i said it anyway on Dad ed's funeral. I hope this brings honor to the life that he has lived.**

People around me are saying that death is better than living in so much physical pain. But what I never understood is why? Why are we left to choose between the lesser of two evils? You see, I had a very very close mind. All I want for daddy ed is to be well. And Nothing less.

All those times, I never failed to say that there is still hope. That we are gonna get through this. And that all he need is a medicine. A doctor. A visit from friends and family. I even name names of people who's been in the same situation, but managed to get through it. Believe me when I say I never ran out of examples. Basing it on experiences of family and friends and friends of friends... Naming each of them specifically and saying that if all of them made it alive then why can't he? Why can't dad beat death?

I never lossed hope. I never say give up. I never said let go. Until the night before his death, when I had to tell him "we are gonna be ok dad. We are gonna be ok. We just don't want you to be in pain."

I lied. I had to lie. Because I know it's not ok. I. am. not. ok.

Because how can I be ok with the fact that I can no longer see dad cuddling in bed with my step son brenden. I will never see dad making him tents out of blankets on top of his bed. I will never see dad Ed and my step son ray and my nephew jay-jay buying ice cream together. I will never see dad making bread with butter topped with sugar for ray. I will never see Collin's look of sheer happiness as dad Ed calls him apong. I will never see dad and Collin having their small conversations that seems to be understood by nobody else but the both of them.

Yes I should be ok. But it's hard to loose someone who's been a family to me for so long.

I met dad Ed way back on February of 2004. It was a valentines day. I was walking right behind Edward, begging him not to intoduce me just yet. I was scared and panicking and I fretted that they are not going to like me. I pushed my hair back with the palm of my hand. I tried to reach for a compact mirror before we get to the door... Only to find him at the patio. Looking over his shoulder with his gaze straight to us. Then he smiled. Anxious as I was, I only stared back and showed a half a smile. Before anybody could say anything, I was positive we were at the wrong apartment. He can't be Edwards dad. I mean I know I was going out with a really good looking guy... But that guy in the patio, with broad shoulders and sideburns enhancing his jawline and eyes deeply set and a pointy high bridged nose. That can't be Edwards dad.

My jaw just dropped when he called him dad. Then we walked in the apartment where the rest of Edwards family were; i was mesmirized by the warm welcome they showed me. All of them: mommy Meda. Armie, Lola Monique and other friends and relatives. They all seemed excited to meet me.

But despite everybody being nice and warm, I was fixated to dad Ed. I mean i absolutely loved the rest of the family. But as I've said in my speech on dad's 60th bday 5 yrs ago, dad Ed is my favorite. Choosing a favorite from a family with members so easy to love makes picking a favorite a difficult choice to make; but he is my favorite nonetheless. His tone of voice that speaks of the kind of man he is: respectable and compassionate. His endless jokes that cracks me up in every single conversation we have had. And his monggo. Yes, the mongo he cooks is incomparable. Plus the fact that he cooks that often for Edward to bring so my sister and I enjoy it. He is indeed a very thoughtful man.

I'm sure everybody here remembers him as the man who never rans out of joke. I clearly remember that whenever we have parties in the states, friends and family alike are eagerly waiting for dad to speak up, because that's when the party starts; the fun begins.

But I suppose not a lot of people knows his soft side because he never puts his guard down. He always has his smile on.

Until that day that Edward was hospitalized on April of 2004. As I stepped in the waiting room, I saw him sitting on one of the chairs; slouched with his gaze on the floor. Face flushed and eyes filled with tears.

"Tito Ed.?" I called. Then he gave a quick sudden jerk as he straightened his back, sat up, and gave me worlds fakest smile. "oh anak nasa private room na si Edward" So I left and went to the private room only to go back to him with the news that Edward is being sent back to the ICU. And that was the first and last time that I saw a sad look on his face; he pulled his hands up to the sides of his head; he once again slouched and tears filled the brim of his eyes.

Silence consumed us as I watched dad's other side: a loving, selfless father.

"magmahalan kayo (love each other)" those were the last words he told me the last time I saw him. Those are two simple words that will never be forgotten.

I don't understand why I have to let go. But I will. One day at a time. I will

Dad, I just want you to know that we love you and you'll surely be missed.

       


  (L TO R: Edward, Dad Ed, Mom Meda, Armie, Ate Mye)

A letter to Collin (as he turns one)

Dear Collin,

You might not believe it, or understand it just yet, but baby, you turned my life around.

The moment I knew that I was carrying you, the flowers bloomed, the birds chirped, the sky turned so blue. Oh everything just became much more beautiful. It was that news that made me happy again. You made me live again. No hatred. No bitterness. It was then that I can face the world with real smile plastered across my face.

You freed me from a bondage. You freed me from the monthly frustrations of getting negative pregnancy tests. You freed me from the pain of knowing I may never be a 'mother.' You freed me from the galloping sadness that swallows me whole when a pregnant woman passes by.

And would you believe, its been a year since I gave birth to you.

Yes my dear pork pie, you are one year old today.

Where has time gone by?

Didn't I just take you home from the hospital yesterday?

honey bunny, time flies really fast. But that's ok because every day I had since I have you has been a time well spent; Spent with lots of hugs and kisses. Off coo's and sighs and sometimes soprano like cries. It's been spent with me soothing you through the night, watching you sleep. It's been spent making funny faces that makes you laugh. It's been spent chasing you around while you crawl so fast like a rat. It's been spent tickling you. Dancing with you. And lots of peek a boos. It's been spent with just about every nursery rhymes out there. It's been all spent with so much love. Lots and lots of love.

I clearly remember the day we brought you home. Your dad was driving while you and I were at the back seat. As soon our car made a turn at the curb by our house, I started crying baby. I cried tears of joy like never before.

"I was pregnant when we left the house. And unlike my previous pregnancy, we are actually now back home with a baby on hand. I can't believe this is real." That was all I could say in between grasps of breath.

And that was the day that our house turned into a home.

Oh honey bunny, you refused to let mommy sleep when we got home. You scream like a giant bear the moment I move a foot away from you. You are most comfortable when you sleep on my chest; listening to my heartbeat perhaps telling you how much I love you.

After a couple of months you started sleeping through the night; 6-8 hrs straight. But then you started teething, all of a sudden, we were back to square one. You once again wanted to stay close. Lying on my chest. Listening to my heart as it tells you how much I love you.

At 4 months you started to sit unassisted. Your body wobbles from side to side as you try to keep your balance. And you started laughing too!! Oh you are the cutest!!! You made mommy smile ear to ear.

At 6 months you had your first bottom teeth. I was having such a lousy upsetting day. I was holding you and hugging you as I attempt to make myself feel better. And it was then that you grinned and showed me your bottom front tooth. And thats all you had to do baby. You turned my day around just like that.

At 8 months you surprised us when you started crawling all of a sudden. I thought you were satisfied with just scooting around. But it's like you changed your mind. Your dad and I were in awe as you made your way to me from him. Oh once again. You made our day!!

My dear Collin, I cant help but cry in the depths of unfathomable happiness and content. You just grew up way too fast. But yet again, that's ok, because every single day were time well spent.

I love you so much Collin. More than words can every say. And more than any action I can ever do. I love you above over and beyond anything in my life.

Love,
Mommy

Things I have to remind myself in planning Collins 1st bday

1. Calm down, it's just his first birthday, not his wedding.

2. You are not rich. You have a budget. CUT THE COSTS DOWN.

3. Repeat: CUT.THE.COSTS.DOWN.

4. You do not have to invite every homo sapiens you know. And no, you don't have to invite the barista who made your coffee. Nor the waitress who said your son is cute.

5. Again, this is just his birthday, not his wedding. So what the heck are you crying about??!!??!!

What it's like to be a mom

1. You will never be able to sleep again the moment you give birth to your firstborn. Sure the baby will eventually sleep through the night, but you, the mother, won't. Because you will be checking on your child every 3 hours and will spend at least 15 minutes starring at your sleeping child and other than those 3 hours interval, you will be checking on your child when you hear your neighbors dog barking, thr birds chirping, the ants playing, or when you hear the news that there's is an earthquake even of its in the other side of the planet, because you can't help but wonder, is your child safe? On quiet-no-dogs-barking-earthquake-news-free-nights, you will still be checking if your child is really safe because you would wonder, why is it too quiet?

2. You will never be alone again. Ever. By that I mean even while you pee, you will never be alone again. Because your child will never leave you alone and will scream bloody murder the moment you go to the bathroom with out him.

3. You will be happy everyday. Because no matter how stressful your day has been, no matter how many problems you have, no matter what kind of crisis you are going through, the moment you hear your child squeal in delight as you open the front door when you get home, all that will fade away. It's just you and your child, and wherever you are, for as long as you are together, you will be in the happiest place on earth. Your child has much more than what Disneyland can offer. Much much more.

Dating for the first time after the baby

Being a parent is easy. All you need to do is follow your instincts.

But being a 'responsible' parent is totally different. It's something that can not be taught; you just have to live and acquire this knowledge in each passing day.

Responsible parenthood is doing what's right for your child, not just what your heart desires. It's about letting your baby explore on his own, even if that means risking a bruise on his knee. It's about feeding him vegetables when what he really wants is banana -24/7. It's about forcing him to not go to the bathroom, when all he wants to do is play with the toilet.

Amongst all that, the hardest that I've done so far is to teach him to deal with separation anxiety.

It really doesn't sound all that hard. As a matter of fact, I've planned how to handle this way before even trying to have a baby. I've always known that I should raise my baby in a way that he doesn't suffer a bad case of separation anxiety in his toddler years. I've read books, magazines, blogs that gives suggestions in dealing with it.

Then time came when it's time to implement the plan. I told my husband that we should start being away from him for a couple of hours in the morning, while he is in a good mood and 'ol ready to play.

And below was how it rolled out...


9am: I give my mil instructions about how to take care of my baby, including but not limited to, what time his next nap will be, what to feed him, how to swaddle him, how to rock him, how to soothe him to sleep, when and how to change his diapers and more. That is despite her having 3 kids and 6 grand kids and a professional nanny of twins

915: I get dressed.

945: I go through the same
Instructions I gave at 9am.

10am: we leave the house.

10:05am:
Mama nalyn: Do you think Collin will be ok?
Papa dward: Yah of course

10:15am
Mama nalyn: Do you think Collin's ready to be away from me?
Papa dward: Yah of course

10:30am
Mama nalyn: Do you think Collin is sad because I'm gone?
Papa dward: No don't worry he'll be fine

10:45am
Mama nalyn: Being away from me for a while is good for him, right?
Papa dward: Yes of course
Mama nalyn: It is better to start young rather than me being away from him for the first time when he is already 4. Right?
Papa dward: Yes that's right
Mama nalyn: and he's having fun at home, right?
Papa dward: yes
Mama nalyn: and it's good that we go on dates so we won't be drained out and we keep a happy and healthy relationship, right?
Papa dward: yes that's right.

11am:
Mama nalyn: do you think..
Papa dward: (cuts of my sentence) OH MY GOD!! He'll be fine ok?!?!!!!!!
Mama nalyn: I wanna go home!!!!

But hey, we didn't go home. We immediately went to our appointment with the caterer for Collin's 1st birthday and then...

We watched a movie and had a lunch date. OK. We didn't! We just went straight home after the appointment.

Not bad for a first day out, right?

Ovulation Predictor Kits

A lot of men and women fear the term infertility.

Having such an issue really took a toll on me. It's so sad that I don't even want to talk about it further right now.

So instead, let's talk about the really kewl test before the pregnancy test. Known as the ovulation test!

Allow me to share some vignettes of ovulation test kit induced events

1. Mama nalyn to papa dward: look I'm almost ovulating!! Time to stock up on your spermies!!! Don't touch me nor yourself!

2. mama n to papa d: I'm ovulating! I'm ovulating!!! Stop whatever your doing and let's go!!!!

3 mama n: shit. I'm still not ovulating (just about to cry)
Papa d: don't stress. That's ok. Let's just do it anyway.

4. Mama n: crap. it's been months and I'm still not ovulating. (almost bawling like a little bratty girl)
Papa d: thats ok. Don't stress. Let's just do it anyway.

5. mama nalyn: can I be off from work early today? (with purse and laptop bag in tow)

Asst vice president of operations at mama nalyns's work: why?

Mama n: because I'm ovulating.


How about you? What was your TTC (trying to conceive) like? It can't be more fun than mine, ayt?

Ovulation Predictor Kits

A lot of men and women fear the term infertility.

Having such an issue really took a toll on me. It's so sad that I don't even want to talk about it further right now.

So instead, let's talk about the really kewl test before the pregnancy test. Known as the ovulation test!

Allow me to share some vignettes of ovulation test kit induced events

1. Mama nalyn to papa dward: look I'm almost ovulating!! Time to stock up on your spermies!!! Don't touch me nor yourself!

2. mama n to papa d: I'm ovulating! I'm ovulating!!! Stop whatever your doing and let's go!!!!

3 mama n: shit. I'm still not ovulating (just about to cry)
Papa d: don't stress. That's ok. Let's just do it anyway.

4. Mama n: crap. it's been months and I'm still not ovulating. (almost bawling like a little bratty girl)
Papa d: thats ok. Don't stress. Let's just do it anyway.

5. mama nalyn: can I be off from work early today? (with purse and laptop bag in tow)

Asst vice president of operations at mama nalyns's work: why?

Mama n: because I'm ovulating.


How about you? What was your TTC (trying to conceive) like? It can't be more fun than mine, ayt?

How to Spot a Douchebag

Disclaimer: all characters, excluding papa dward and baby Collin, appearing in this blog entry are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or (hopefully) dead is purely coincidental.

If you've followed my blog well enough, you must have probably gotten the message that I married a wonderful responsible man. He is an imperfect but awesome husband and a very reliable dad to my lil guy Collin.

I think this goes to say that 'responsible' parenthood should start when one is 'seriously' dating. That is the time when you choose who will potentially be a father to your children in the next 3 or 5or even 10 years.

You see, had I married an A hole, I wouldn't have provided a happy family for my baby Collin. But I must admit though that part of it is just pure luck. I'm lucky to have married a nice wonderful, yet imperfect and sometimes terribly annoying irritating, man.

So I guess, this blog entry goes to all the single ladies out there. It's not too late so don't rely on luck. Choose a man wisely!

Be with a real man. But how will you know?

How did I know?

Well, that's because I know how to spot a douchebag; not to mention I've dated quite a few :p

Perhaps the experience of being with a man like papa dward and some, what's the word, douchebags, gives me
the utter capacity to spot the difference.

So with out a further ado, here is a list of characteristics to streamline the process of spotting a douchbag.

1. He makes you laugh. Again, let me repeat: he makes you laugh. But do take note that papa dward makes me laugh too. What I'm just trying to say is that you can't assume the guy as 'the one' just because he can make you laugh.

2. He is an ego monster. He thinks he is the most awesome guy in the planet. But he is not the only one who thinks that, his mom does too.

3. He acts mature. The keyword is: acts

4. He pretends to be nice to his parents and siblings (if applicable). Keyword? - pretends

5. He can be romantic. If you listen carefully, you will notice that sometimes he will pull of the same line; perhaps he memorized it or used to different women but has forgotten that he said that to you already.

6. He is most likely not handsome. But he doesn't know it.

So if you see these 6 devilish characteristics in the man you are dating... Run!! Run far far far away from him!

How to Ruin a Romantic Night (accdg to Edward)

A few nights ago, the hubby and I were lying on the bed while Collin was playing with his toys on the floor. That was one of those rare moments where Collin was enjoying playing just by himself. It was a perfect time for a romantic night.

For me, being able to talk and laugh with out a baby pulling your hair and biting your skin is a romantic night at it's best.

All was great until he put his arms around me.

"oh!! What was that?" he asked in full excitement and significant lust in his face and tone of voice.

"huh? What?" I asked and paused for a second until I realized what he thought it was. "That's my stomach dude!!!! It's soft and fluffy now!!"

You see, I got no abs. What I have is a fully stretched out, flapping, stretch marked tummy. And figuring out where my breast ends and my stomach starts needs a complex analysis made by NASA. Although, I really didn't realize it's all that bad until the hubby sort of um, slap that information on may face!

But of course, just like what a typical guy would do, he denied his mistake. He pretended that he knew that it was my stomach and that I just misinterpreted him. (I can't believe he actually thought I would buy that! seriously?)

And that is how one can ruin a potentially romantic night.

The (not to mention, freakn') end!

Breastfeeding Mama

Collin is now 10 months old. And all this time, he never had even an ounce of formula.

I am proud to say that I am an advocate of breast feeding and I'd like to convince soon to be moms to do the same.

Perhaps the best route to take is by enumerating all the health benefits of breast feeding. But that's just not my style, because that's just plain annoying, plus I'm no doctor! So instead I'll just show you some pictures.

This was me before breastfeeding.

And this is me with in just 5 months of breastfeeding. No diet. No exercise. Nothing but a never ending series of gluttonous meals. For reals.

Now you tell me, are you going to breast feed?

That's your baby.

Your boob.

So it's your call